Conversations in the Car

Hey You,

Last Friday night mom took your sister to the football game at the high school. At some point during the game mom decided that she would check on Nicoleta. She found her by the concession stand with a boy named Zack. He was facing her with his arms draped around her waist. After the EMT's at the game revived your mom she told Nicoleta that the physical contact was not appropriate for a girl her age. I told Nicoleta later that I would have broken off the little guy's arm. Then I would beat her with bloody end of it. "Ha ha dad, you're so funny!"

The thing about our family that I think is a bit unusual (or maybe not) is that we've talked openly about sexual matters. That's good because it's a subject that must be addressed candidly. On the way to school this morning Nicoleta and I had a candid talk about boys.

"You know Nicoleta, that the next time you see Zack at a football game or something, He's gonna want to put his hands on you again. But the next time he'll want to go a bit further than just putting his arms around your waist."
"Oh no he won't, I won't let him," Nicoleta said.
"Of course you wouldn't let him. That's why he'll not ask you for permission first. He'll just do it. He's not going to ask you if it's alright for him to put his hand on your butt or your breast. You'll have no warning he'll just do it.
"I'll just kick him in the groin if he does," she responded.
"Good for you, but by then it will be too late. He'll have taken something from you that you didn't offer. That's the worst kind of stealing. Once he's taken it you can't get it back."
"Boys sometimes walk by me and pat me on the butt and I tell them not to but it still happens," she said.
"If someone is bothering you like that you should tell me, your mom, or a teacher. If telling doesn't work then I know someone that will make them stop. His name is Nick."
"Here's the thing Nicoleta. You are a remarkable person. You're special. The problem is Zack doesn't think you're special. He sees your body, he doesn't see you. He's wondering how he can touch you in places that are off-limits ."
"Oh dad, that's just nasty," Nicoleta said.
"Dear sweet Lord," I thought to myself "this ignorant baby has no idea of 'nasty.' Help me!"
"Nicoleta, all boys think like that. That's how boys are made."
"All of them, you mean every guy out there?" she asked.
"Yep, all of 'em. Any man worth having is gonna want to take your clothes off. The man you're looking for won't try it until he's married to you. Do you know why?"
"'Cause I'll kick him in the nuts," she responded.
"That's not really it."
"Oh 'cause Nick will smash his face in," she tried again.
"He won't try anything Nicoleta, because he'll know that you're special. Even more important than that is he'll believe he's special too."
"Is it okay to hug? I really like hugging."
"I'm not so sure about hugging Nicoleta."
"But why, what's wrong with hugging?"
"Most of the boys just like mashing their bodies up against yours."
"That's so perverted!"
"Yeah it is, now get out of my car before you're late."
"Love ya, dad," and she was gone.

As I was driving home it occurred to me that she believed what I told her. Much of what I told her disgusted her but she did not deny the truth of it. Then there's the voices that tell me that just because I can remember how I was doesn't mean all boys have wicked intentions. The voices tell me that I'm the sick one, most everyone else is okay. The thing I find most worrisome is the day when she realizes that she likes the way a boy's touch makes her feel. Will she recognize the difference between "special" and the counterfeit? Oh, man I'm in it deep.

D